The Freedom in Rejection: How Asking Anyway Can Open New Doors

One of the hardest things I’ve done in my life was looking for a job when I was unemployed.

The first time it happened was in 2020, in the middle of a pandemic.

It sounded simple: I no longer have a job, so I look for another one.

Yet, there were so many layers from it that I was not even able to understand what was going on with me.

From this time, the main lesson I learned was to normalize rejection.

All the “Nos” I got from my applications led me to my dream “Yes”.

In a job search journey, there is no way to know when and from where the “Yes” will come. You can only deal with what is in front of you. One application, one connection at a time.

Part of my work today is to guide professionals who are in transition to their next opportunity.

My heart goes out to them. I understand how hard it is.

Only those who expect a “Yes” know how difficult a “No” is.

Family members will not understand. Friends may not get it. The journey can feel lonely, and it is crucial to have your own back.

The first thing I recommend to my clients is to normalize rejection. Knowing that this is a skill for life and will continue to benefit them afterwards.

In a recent session, a client commented that he was not applying as he feared they would not answer him.

He was absolutely right; he was not getting an answer from 100% of the jobs he was not applying for.

We create our reality, and sooner or later, life will prove us right.

I am not saying that a rejection will feel delightful.

My belief is that we can be neutral, so we build one of the most important muscles, our resilience.

I love the concept described by Jia Jiang of rejection therapy.

Please note that it’s not an officially recognized therapy. It is a practice where we intentionally seek out situations that are likely to result in rejection, and the goal is to desensitize ourselves to the feeling of rejection and build confidence.

For sure, networking with a leader in a company that you would love to work for may not be the most comfortable way to practice the rejection therapy.

My recommendation is that you start with controlled scenarios.

In a recent trip, I was intentional about normalizing rejection.

I had no big goals, just small, simple asks, knowing the answer would likely be no.

First, I went to an airport lounge and asked if I could enter after landing (which isn’t standard). As expected, the answer was no. I smiled and asked, “Can I grab a banana?” He said yes. I walked out happy, celebrating progress!

Later, I was near a stadium after a game. I asked a security guard if I could step in to take a photo. Again, the answer was no. I gently asked again, explaining that I just wanted a picture showing the arena, and this time, he let me in.

In both situations, I expected rejection. And yet, I asked anyway.

That was the goal: make it safe and fun to hear “No” and, in the process, open the door to unexpected “Yeses”.

The more at peace you are with hearing “No”, the smoother your path becomes toward what you want.

If you’ve been avoiding the “No”, I invite you to practice it in low-stakes situations. Put yourself in motion.

Build the muscle, and see what shifts.

Enjoy your insights!