Stop being all-or-nothing

Our relationship with time is a little different today. With technology in the palm of my hand, I definitely live an easier life than my grandma Elizia lived. I have so many privileges that she could not even imagine as a possibility. We don’t need to go as far; I am no longer able to remember what my life was like without the internet. Funny enough, in one of my college classes, the teacher asked us to create an email, and as a natural reaction, I just asked: “Why do I need an email?”. Fast forward twenty-five years, when my sister says to my niece that I didn’t see her post because I don’t use social media, she was astonished and reacts: “You don’t use social media? What do you do?” her face was the best part, I feel so lucky to have the ability to read people and reactions, it was like I was doing something completely wrong or she was talking to an alien. What a fun time to be alive!

[The Truth]

The truth is, we may be unlearning the value of things, the importance of the process, the joy in the journey, the connection with what matters most, and most importantly, the respect of time.

In my first session with a successful senior leader, he was looking for strategies to handle his workload; he mentioned he owns too many things, some of which are shared responsibilities. How could he delegate better? How could he lead more collaboratively?

My experience tells me that delegation is not the root cause; it is just the symptom. Given his history of success and variety in his career, he definitely knew how to delegate and lead a team.

[Tip 1] What we feel is the problem, it is never the problem. Keep digging!

[Tip 2] We all have our “safe” problems. They usually distract us.

We explored what delegating better means to him, what his ideal day would be like, and so on. From there, we could uncover his genuine desire. He wanted to be impactful, and he felt he was investing time in things that were not impactful.

Understanding his real goal, we started exploring his process for delegation. We could uncover that it was not an issue with delegation; it was a need for control. Many leaders believe that delegating means dumping the task and disappearing. With a mistaken concept of delegation, we will rarely be successful, and in consequence, trust will not be developed. His need for control showed an evident lack of trust in his team. Now we had a better question: How could he develop trust in his team?

[Tip 3] Trust needs to be earned. We develop trust.

[The Inflection Point]

Exploring possibilities and options, he was firm that it would not work for him. He mentioned he had done it before. When I asked how many times, he said once. I paused and allowed him to hear what he had just said.

After a while, he said: “Maybe it is related to my all-or-nothing style.”

Indeed it was. He understood that as a high-performance individual, he expected his team to do more than he requested with minimum to no guidance.

The truth was, even if he had senior staff, they still could not read his mind. It is part of leadership to be clear, set expectations, align on touchpoints, and provide guidance when needed.

[Invitation]

Building trust is a process, delegating is an art, and respecting time is a must. There is no one-size-fits-all all. It is essential to understand your leadership style, what makes sense to you, and what will make you comfortable while delegating.

The all-or-nothing approach will just get you so far, and it may be limiting you and your possibilities.

My invitation to you today is to give yourself a second chance (or a third). To reevaluate things you considered not to be for you and experience them again. Start looking at things with curiosity, understand the process involved, and explore the time and effort it may require. From that space, allow the compound effect to do its magic!

What are your thoughts on the all-or-nothing approach? Is it limiting or empowering you? I would like to hear your thoughts.

Happy reflection!