How To Influence Up, Not Fight Reality

I believe in possibility, and part of my mission is also to bring clients back to reality when needed.

In one session, my client said, “I want my boss to be on the same page as I am.”

On paper, it sounds reasonable. My client is high performing and highly organized. She anticipates needs, delivers on promises, and keeps everything on track.

But that sentence, “on the same page,” was quietly disempowering her. Beneath it lay an expectation that would never be met.

What she really wanted was for her director to work the way she does. The problem: her director is a different type of leader. Where my client values punctuality, detailed agendas, and follow-through, her boss is fluid, idea-driven, and comfortable with spontaneity. Meetings are often late or rescheduled. Priorities shift in the moment. Structure is not this director’s natural language.

We explored values, communication styles, and realistic options.

Halfway through the session, she said, “We are not even in the same book.” The change was immediate. Her posture softened, and relief showed in her face.

That insight freed her. Trying to force alignment with someone who operates differently was a fight against reality. Accepting the difference allowed her to stop resisting and start influencing effectively.

She reclaimed her power by reframing the goal. Instead of demanding sameness, she decided to communicate clearly what she needed for her department to succeed. The conversation became tactical, not personal. She could influence from a higher place, with neutrality and purpose.

Your turn: what expectation are you holding that might be unrealistic? How would your life change if you saw the situation differently and chose one practical step to regain your power?

Enjoy the freedom your new view will bring.