From Proving Yourself to Creating Value

In a recent coaching session, a director was stressed about an important upcoming meeting with a VP and a new CMO.

The ask was simple: present her team, explain what they do, and show how both teams could collaborate.

But as we clarified the meeting, it became clear that the pressure she was feeling was not really about the task itself.

We dug deeper and realized that, for her, this meeting felt like a test.

In her mind, the VP and the new CMO would not simply listen to the presentation. They would be evaluating her as a leader.

She had worked with this VP for years, and still, part of her was afraid of being seen as a fraud.

Her main question was:

What will they think about me?

Seniority does not remove our doubts. I’ve seen this at every level.

The real issue was that she had made the meeting personal.

When the focus becomes “What will they think of me?”, it is very easy to fall into overthinking, proving, performing, and questioning whether we are good enough.

But when we brought the conversation back to the actual goal, everything shifted.

The goal was not to prove herself.

The goal was to create clarity around partnership.

How can these teams work better together? Where is the value? What needs to be aligned? What becomes possible when both departments collaborate well?

The moment the focus moved from personal performance to partnership value, her energy changed.

She was no longer someone afraid of being evaluated.

She reconnected with the leader she already is.

Someone who brings value.

Someone who partners well.

Someone who has something meaningful to contribute.

The dynamic also changed.

She was no longer approaching the meeting from a place of subordination.

She was approaching it as a peer.

And the truth is, that was the reality of the situation.

The best future for those departments was not one team proving itself to the other. It was a partnership. She even identified areas where the other team needed her department’s expertise more than the opposite.

That is often the leadership shift.

From: “How will they see me?”

To: “What value are we here to create together?”

And in reality, people are usually far more focused on their own goals, pressures, decisions, and priorities than on constantly evaluating us.

Most senior leaders are not sitting there analyzing every detail of who we are.

They are looking for clarity, for value, for alignment.

They are asking, even if silently: Can this person help move the right things forward?

We are often much less present in other people’s minds than we imagine.

So maybe the invitation is simple:

Do not make it so personal. Return to the value you bring. Remember the ultimate goal. And deliver from there.

Next time you feel yourself asking, “What will they think of me?”, try asking instead: “What value am I here to create?”