From Childhood Patterns to Conscious Adulthood

“Do you know what it is to not have something, yet still be expected to give it?”

This verse from Djavan’s song Esquinas has been echoing in me lately, bringing a deep sense of compassion.

In a world that constantly asks for more and sets unrealistic expectations for perfection, this line feels incredibly accurate.

It points to a truth we often overlook: we sometimes ask from others what they never had the capacity, resources, or experience to give us.

“My mom never recognized me.”

It makes perfect sense that someone would long for recognition. When I ask: “Did your mother ever experience recognition herself?”

There is usually a moment of silence. “I never thought about it that way.” No, she was never recognized. She lived in a hostile environment. She had nothing to give in that area because she never received it.

So we explore further, and the person realizes that the same search for recognition continues today. Only now it shifts toward a partner, a manager, or whoever is closest.

The result: it is still not enough, because the root is internal, not external.

The real shift happens when we stop looking outside for something that must be built inside.

Much of what once made sense in childhood no longer serves us. Today, we are adults and professionals. We can choose how we show up. We can respond consciously. We can strategically extract the best from each person without placing expectations they cannot fulfill.

Get curious about where you are still seeking externally what only you can develop inside yourself.

This awareness is liberating.

Enjoy your insights!