Dissect the Question, Discover the Truth

Our brains are fascinating machines that are designed to keep us safe, not to make us thrive or dream.

I got a message from a client describing a situation, and she closed with a question: “And how to maintain emotional stability in challenging situations?”.

The question looked simple. I wish I could answer it with three simple steps, but there was much more behind it.

With my technology background, I usually focus on the short and the long term. Of course, there are simple things to do asap to remediate the pain she was going through. And we do it with the awareness that it will be temporary and not address the root cause, which usually requires digging deeper and seeing beyond what is on the surface.

When I asked, “What does emotional stability mean?”, she answered, “I don’t know.” and laughed. Here she got her first insight.

“It never seems to get better.” she continued.

Let’s analyse from the outside and dissect her question.

She doesn’t know what emotional stability looks like for her, and she believes it never seems to get better.

With those two premises, I can guarantee she will never maintain emotional stability, not only in challenging situations, but in all situations.

In this particular case, a short-term solution may be to simplify a little:

• The first step is to understand what emotional stability means to her.
• The second one is to question whether her definition is realistic.
• The third one is to refine the definition to one that will serve her more.

With clarity, you increase your chance of succeeding and achieving what you seek.

What’s the one thing you keep striving for, but no matter what you do, it feels like you’re never getting closer, or that your effort is never quite enough?

Chances are, you may not have a clear definition of what success looks like. So, you will not be able to recognize it when it is in front of you.

Be the scientist of your own questions.

Happy reflection!